It's time for a whole new me

Nature? Yuck. Water? No thanks. Try new things? I'll pass.

This is how my life has been. I have always been afraid to try new things, whether it be foods, hobbies, social gatherings, anything. I don't know why this is, I have just never been outgoing. I look around and see other people enjoying life. A facebook album full of skydiving photos, a friend jumping two feet in to a new life, photos of newly learned dishes made from scratch. I sit and wonder to myself, "Why is everyone else having the time of their lives while mine is just passing by?" I am tired of being on the side lines. Tired of never having an answer to the question, "What are you doing this weekend?" It's time for a new me. Well not necessarily a new ME, but it's time to find out who I am.

I have always hated the outdoors- in theory of course because I have never really been "out there". How do I know I hate it? Well of course there are bugs and other creepy critters, the heebie jeebies from being outside in the dark... hmmm funny I can't seem to think of anything else. Ironically I signed up to be Zander's cub scout den leader. I hope that this will not only enable me to do quality things with my son, but also teach myself to broaden my horizons. I don't want my kids to learn from me that trying new things is a bad thing. I see already that they are overcoming my fear of the water and things like that, but I am starting to feel like not being adventurous is going to hold them back from new experiences too. So on October 22nd, 2011 I will be in the woods for the first time. I will camp out with my son and the other cub scouts for the first time. (Of course I am bringing my brother to save me from all of the scary things out there hehe.) I am going to help Zander with BB guns and archery. We are going to hike and look at nature. I am terrified I must say. But wait- what if I get there and find myself having fun? What if I decide I love the fresh North Georgia air? What if the temperature is great? How will it make me feel to not only see the smile on my son's face as he partakes in the scouting activities, but also the pride I will have in myself for embarking on an adventure that terrifies me and intrigues me at the same time? These are the questions that push me to be excited even if I am terrified.

The second endeavor I am about to embark on: getting in shape. I am sure you are all rolling your eyes or thinking "mmhmm I have heard this before", and I don't blame you. I have tried and tried to start a weight loss program. The problem is I haven't yet tried to finish one. I get so gung ho and excited for day one. I make my charts and plot out my goals and buy some healthy lunches and all of that. I go in day one and do my workout. Day 2... my legs still hurt... or _____ (fill in excuse here). I have made it a week before, and what happens? I step on the scale and the weight either goes up or stays the same. What happens then? Immediately I get discouraged. I begin to rethink everything. How can I drink water and get up off the sofa and then GAIN weight? I might as well just forget it. Or I think of what I want my end result to be and it just seems so unattainable that I give up since it seems impossible. I settle for how things are and try to pretend that I don't care what size I am. But the truth is I do. I want to be able to wear a cute little outfit and feel pretty not self conscious. I want to be able to go out with friends and not be thinking the whole time "I wish I could wear that, I look awful compared to her, I can't go out with them I will look even worse because they look so good."
What to do about this? Slow and steady wins the race. I am going to start trying to be the tortoise not the hare. I am making my goals differently. I am not starting out saying I want to lose 70 lbs in 3 months. I am making small plans. Drink water- doesn't matter how much. Just drink some. Smaller portions. Work out several times a week. Even if it is 20 minutes on the elliptical. The biggest thing will be I have weighed myself and I will not check it again for a month. I have removed the scale from the bathroom and put it away. I am also doing measurements as another tool for checking progress. Small changes spread out over time is the way I need to go. I am also looking for support groups with similar challenges as mine.

I am going to start living my life. You are more than welcome to stick around for the ride!