She's just a girl, and she's on FIRE!

She's just a girl and she's on fire
Hotter than a fantasy, lonely like a highway
She's living in a world and it's on fire
Feeling the catastrophe, but she knows she can fly away

Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got both feet on the ground
And she's burning it down
Ohhhh oh oh oh oh
She got her head in the clouds
And she's not backing down

THIS GIRL IS ON FIRE!!!

Sing it Alicia! I feel like my life is on fire right now! In a good way of course! 10 years ago I dropped out of high school as a teen mom. With a 9th grade education and a GED, I just finished my first college semester with a 4.0 GPA! I'm ecstatic! I couldn't be more proud of myself right now. I'm sure it will be a challenge to maintain this, but it's a challenge I'm up for! At the recommendation of one of my professors, I am striving for the Honors Program, 3.75 GPA required.

If you are thinking to yourself "show off" or "quit bragging", you obviously don't know me very well. I have always lacked confidence and self pride. Some of the feedback I was given this semester from my professors have been the fuel for my total self image turn around. Here's what they had to say:

After my presentation for my research project in human geography: "If any of you are still working on your project to present next week, you should look at Kimberly's as a model. Hers is perfection. Very well done."

(same professor, email):  "I enjoyed having you in class this semester.  You are a honest person and a very serious student.  Your final exam is a little lower than the mid-term, but not very much.  Consequently, your final grade is accordingly, i.e., a deserved "A."  Congratulations!"

From the English professor, for my final essay: "This is a very strong essay.  There is much to commend it: the research is sound, the prose is varied and mature, and the ideas sophisticated.  The subject, a vexing, difficult and emotive one, is treated with care and skill too.  You will do very well here, without doubt.  My advice is to align yourself with those who work as hard as you do.  Good luck and keep in touch."  ( I will admit I had to look up the word "prose" hehe.)

The English professor is the one that went on to recommend the honors program...

I would say I am doing alright! Things are getting even more exciting in January. Rob has decided to go back to school again! He will be taking pre-req courses so he can start nursing school the following year! He just got a great new job at an awesome hospital with so many benefits! 

I'm also taking not one, but TWO physical education classes this coming semester. Body Sculpting & Core on Monday, Walking Fit for Life on Wednesday and an exercise period on Fridays since I will be there anyway. Plus I'm going to start the couch to 5k program to prepare for The Color Run in April!

Being home by 5:30 will enable me to be home to cook dinners, our main issue with eating is convenience. $5 pizza down the street with no dishes or cooking... We've got to end that trend. 

Changing my life one semester at a time. That's my mantra right now. 

~Til next time~
~K~     

  

5k what? RUN?? When?? YIKES!!

So I'm feeling a bit froggy.... I have signed the hubbs and I up for a 5k run in April 2013. No sweat right? Plenty of time to train... yeah ok. The last time I ran I was probably 8 years old! CRAP!

Most of you know that I've been attempting to lose weight for years. I say attempting lightly, because I tend to fall off of the wagon pretty fast. What can I say, it's a bumpy ride, and I don't have shock absorbers! What's my plan you might ask? 

Well I think I'm setting up a fool proof QUIT PROOF plan! I signed up for a lot of stuff lately, the 5k run, a cardio/walking class for spring semester, and a body sculpting class for school too! The classes will start January 7th. My thinking here is this: these two classes will force me to exercise. I plan to keep a high GPA, and I can't let a little P.E. class mess that up. I will be required to come to gym class and exercise twice a week to obtain a good grade. I put it in the middle of my school day so I'm not tempted just to skip it and go home. PLUS~ I built in time Friday mid day to workout in the gym at the school solo too.

So with couch to 5k training for the next few months, plus these classes 3 days a week for 5 months, I'm hoping that I'll see some amount of weight loss, and be in the habit of working out 3 times a week~ thus creating a habit!! 

On a serious note, the Doc has given me some orders. Now that she's got my thyroid pretty much under control she's advocating a gradual change to healthier behaviors. Time to change!!

~Til next time~
~K~

Alright y'all it's that time again, time for cool brisk days, cuddle up in a blanket nights... the holiday season is upon us! Now those of you that know me well know that I blend the two together, it's November 8th and I'm behind on decorating, but when I get to it I break out the "Christmas" decor right away! Many of you are against this, I get it. I still have "two holidays" but I love the look of all the holiday lights and such. Um plus I don't have fall/Thanksgiving decorations. If I did, I would surely put those out until Turkey Day and then do "Christmas decor". So if you come over and see my snowmen and garland, that's just me... :-P 

This year is going to go a little different for me, my Nana has come to a point where she just can't handle the large holiday meal anymore. She will make herself do it, but then she's wiped out for days... and who wants Nana going through all that? So it's time to let Nana retire. Exciting part? I am cooking for my mom's family!

I must say I'm thrilled to have creative reign over the menu (with input from the family as well). Plus, last year I did a trial run of Nana's dressing, and it came out very close to hers, (and got the Nana seal of approval in a taste test!!) So I will be happy to share this with my family.I can't wait to teach the kids one day all of the yummy recipes I've learned- and will learn. There is something special about a home cooked meal that brings everyone together!

I recently received turkey salt and pepper shakers from my aunt Jess, so I'm thrilled to be putting those out for use!

What's on the menu you ask? Well, turkey, dressing, gravy, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, lima beans, green beans, fresh cream corn, rolls, broccoli and rice casserole, sweet potato souffle, chicken and dumplings, sausage balls, deviled eggs, spinich dip, pumpkin cupcakes, pumpkin pie, chocolate cake, pecan pie, chocolate pie, cherry cheesecake and cranberry sauce! YUMMY!

After the meal at our house, we will be headed to Rob's family get together where the newest official wife in the Green Family is preparing dinner! While I'm talking about them, let me just add that I'm thankful for having two sisters (in law) that are fabulous! These three brothers got themselves some great women... ;)

Then for what I hope becomes a new tradition, Nina (my mom) is going to come stay with the kids for Rob and I to go out Black Friday shopping, and the next morning make holiday crafts, cocoa and muffins with the kids! 

I'm so excited this time of year, everything is beautiful, the lights and warm feelings make it seem so magical.

So, let's get interactive! What is the one thing (or a couple) that you MUST have for your Thanksgiving meal to be complete? That one thing you could say "it ain't Thanksgiving" without it? Leave your answer in a comment below! 

Til next time~
~K

 

Cosby was right, kids say (and do) the darndest things!

It's been quite awhile since I've posted anything, so what better way to make a come back than to start with the pleasantries of being the parent of a toddler. Alexis is getting to be quite a character! What's she up to? well, Dr. Seuss for one. She is obsessed with the movie Horton Hears A Who, it doesn't matter if she is actually sitting to watch it, she still wants it playing pretty much 24/7 with a couple of breaks for Micky Mouse Clubhouse! 

Check her out here, listen close and you will hear her say "Horton Hears a Who!" I had to put the link instead of the youtube video, the video when added won't show up. Not sure why, if anyone knows let me know~

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpFlHbzaVyA


Last weekend we traveled to see our dear friends, and Lexi decided to learn the concept of sharing... or so she thought...

The ladies are all sitting on the porch, while Lexi toddles around going in and out the door. She's carrying a bag of candy corn around eating one here and there. She goes inside, and after a couple of minutes Zander comes out with an announcement: "Um the baby looks weird." 
Me: "He's fine, he's just sitting funny because of the Bumbo seat." 
Zander: "no mom, I mean he looks like.... his face looks like he doesn't feel good..." 
Me: "ok I'll check on him"
I head inside to see what little Wylie is up to, and he looks fine. I pick him up and initiate the usual "baby babble" and I notice that he doesn't smile at me like usual. Something told me to check his mouth- low and behold I fish out a whole candy corn! He just stares at me having no idea what is happening since he isn't really eating more than bottles yet... I tell Lexi that she can't feed the baby candy, and she replies "I share." 

How do you argue with that? We teach our children from the start that you "share" "be nice" etc. At least her efforts were out of love.

Luckily the little guy didn't try to eat the candy, it just sat on his tongue. Equally lucky, Zander noticed something wasn't quite right even if he was not sure what it was. But let's keep this post a positive one instead of a "what could have happened". Lexi went on to "share" the rest of the candy corn with the doggy... hehe. (Cookie is also fine!) 

What other fun things can we chronicle about Alexis and the fine age of 20 months old? Hmmmm. She's recently become a fan of "daps" or "fist bumps"... and will ~almost~ always give them if you ask! 

She loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and can name almost all of the characters... my favorite one she says is Goofy, but when she says it, it comes out as "goosey". Precious with a capital "p"!

She loves shoes, Daddy, and all of her stuffed animal friends. Christmas is lookin' like a Minnie Makeover for her! Adding in some Dr. Seuss and some Disney Princess here and there. 

That's all I've got for now on the Lexi front, stay tuned for Jaden and Zander updates as well as other things to come!

Til next time
~K~

A rainbow underneath gray cloudy skies, casting light on a serene landscape. I have to say this is a good depiction of my life right now. Most of you know that I'm the type of person that has to get things out. I need to talk out my issues for me to figure out how to deal with them. Generally that involves anyone that will listen. Each person I tell lessens the stress and worry a little bit more. Some people frown upon sharing "your business" with other people. I'm the opposite. I feel like if I want to truly let people in my life, I should let them all the way in, thus forming stronger bonds. Grab a coffee or tea folks, this one is going to take awhile.

    I don't think I have ever encountered this crazy of a roller coaster of emotions in my 26 years on this Earth. The number of things on my mind at the present moment are turning me into a basket case, full of happiness, worry, stress, excitement, fear, uncertainty, sadness, longing, reflection, and a change in perspective. This wonderful soul of mine is deciding on her own that self discovery is going to be mandatory and it is going to happen now whether I like it or not. I have a nice little voice in my mind that is navigating my thoughts, telling me what it's time to work on now. (Don't worry folks it's not schizophrenia... hehe)
     I'm being faced with a potential MAJOR medical issue. I've had some problems ever since I had Lexi, I just never did get back to feeling "right". I've of course pushed it aside, thinking it would eventually work itself out... and much to my disappointment it's getting worse instead. To make a very long list short I've had a multitude of symptoms, the worst of the lot are blinding headaches that I've had CONSTANTLY for the last 2 weeks, I started noticing more frequent headaches in July, but they've just gotten stronger and stronger and don't go away even briefly. Add to that constant severe fatigue and you've got one crappy day lol. I've had a thyroid test (came back normal), and now I'm waiting on a CT scan of my brain. Um let me just tell you in case you didn't know, "we want to check your brain for any mass or fluid causing pressure" is not something that you are going to remain calm about. I thought for sure the eye doctor was being dramatic, but to my surprise after meeting with my primary care dr, he seconded this, and gave me the referral. Brain scan?? WHAT?? Sure sure, it's a precaution, to rule out big issues. BUT, the fact that it's on the table as a possible diagnosis is life shattering. I'm holding my composure rather well I think, I understand tumors and such are very rare. BUT there has to be someone that gets them otherwise we wouldn't be talking about them right? While everyone else is having a blast with their three day weekend I will be biting my nails (metaphorically thank goodness lol) waiting for Tuesday morning's CT scan. 
      Just for kicks and to emphasize my inner emotional roller coaster, lets talk about a "rainbow" issue happening to me now. I went in today to present my speech entry to try and obtain a spot as the student speaker at the GED commencement ceremony. I was one of the three they narrowed it down to. I was very nervous when I got there, and was talking to the staff. All of a sudden the director of the GED program at Gwinnett Tech tells me that she forgot to tell me but I'm the class Valedictorian!! SAY WHAT??? I think my actual response was "that's cool" haha I was surprised. She said "Yeah, you scored higher than anyone else that took the test in the 2011-2012 test year." Me?? She then goes on to tell me that I get a special medal and extra tassel, and will be listed as the valedictorian. Um coolest thing EVER! That just made this accomplishment so much more special to me. I've spent my life doubting myself and my self worth. Today I was validated as "special" (ya'll hush, no special ed jokes). All my life I've wanted to prove to myself that I AM SOMEBODY, that I'm actually worth more than failure. I rocked the speech presentation and q & a, and got a callback within an hour with an invitation to give my speech as Valedictorian. (can ya'll tell I like this title...? hehehe) I left the office beaming with more pride than I've ever felt in my life. I'd finally proven to myself what so many others had been telling me. I deserve this. I truly believe this now.
      Roller coaster dip #2- annnnnnd back down I go.... Jaden went to the doctor last week, and while we were talking about her cramp issue (for those who don't know she's been having what I assumed was a menstrual type cramp situation monthly for the last year and a half, but hasn't started her cycle). Her doctor asked about the development of breast tissue, and when I said that just started a month or two ago (jeez right? when did she get this old??) he got concerned. They shouldn't start signs of menstruation until AFTER the start of breast tissue, like 6 months to 2 years after, under NO circumstance should it start a year and a half BEFORE. In the last few months it's gotten to the point I'm giving her Midol, and she needs a heating pad. He got even more concerned so now she has to see a gynecologist. Um luckily for you ladies out that that just winced, they won't do an internal exam, they will use labs and ultrasound and such, but yikes. She should be worried about Justin Bieber and riding her bike, and writing song lyrics about loving her daddy. Not womanly issues that she isn't old enough to understand. Are you starting to see why I'm ready to leave the theme park for awhile??
     Ready for another uphill climb? School is going pretty well for me. I'm starting to find my groove in my classes. I've never knew 4-5 years could be such an age difference, but I guess it's my life situation. I've become the "lady" that knows all about what the homework was, and has a pen you can borrow. Lol I guess this is better than my original fear of not being able to make friends. And you know, I think I wouldn't know what to do if it went any other way. I've spent my entire life being the mother hen. I feel a maternal bond to my four younger siblings, I have 3 kids of my own, and I just find myself drawn to helping kids in any way I can. This is how I know my major is the right choice for me. Nothing gives me more joy than being a mom, and sharing my love of coloring, reading, crafts, oh and just my love. I knew when I was little that I wanted to be a teacher, and I've never faltered from that desire. Sure I've entertained other ideas, but in the end I knew this would be the career for me. I'm not sure I'm doing everything right in my English class, our professor is a bit vague, but hopefully my first essay is within the gist of what I was supposed to do. My human geography professor is a challenge because of her extremely thick Romanian accent, but I find each lecture makes it a hair easier to know what she's saying. Math 99 is fine, I'm almost ready to retake my compass, and if I pass it this time I can stop going to class for the rest of this semester for math. History.... ah history. It's my least favorite. I definitely won't be taking any electives there lol. As a whole, school is an enjoyable experience. 
     Add to these trying to see if a friendship is repairable, adjusting to life with full time school and full time household, the stress of everything, the unknown on my medical issues- and the fact that by 10 am I'm ready to go back to bed, everything is just taking a toll on me a little bit. But every day I just try to stand a little bit taller... (at 5'0" that's hard to do!)

I'll leave you today with two of my "songs of the moment" The Best is Yet to Come by Hinder, and The Good Life by One Republic. I think my next tattoo will center around the lyric "the best is yet to come" but that is another post for another day
~Til next time~ ~K

Day 1~ College Experience

"You've shown up to a writing class, and you haven't got a pen or paper? Oh dear we are off to a nice start aren't we?" (spoken in a British accent) 

      Of course this wasn't directed at me... I came prepared with enough supplies for half the class hehe. I knew going into this that there would be mass amounts of "kids" aged 18+, but I've never felt so much older than those kids as I did yesterday. 

      I was prepared with all of the necessary books and supplies, minus the two I have on order waiting for them to come in at the campus bookstore. What I couldn't believe was the fact that I was in the EXTREME minority by being prepared. People showed up without a pen or paper. Really folks?? I was asked probably 10 times what "bookstore" I was talking about. Students seemed shocked to find out there was one on campus. Many people in my math class didn't have their sign in information for the computer, the instructor just stood there dumbfounded. I think someone forgot to tell these guys that their moms wouldn't be with them. Hey guys, you might actually have to do some stuff while you are in the school. Needless to say I'm feeling very "mother hen" right now. But you know, isn't that a good thing? After all being a mom is what I know. That kind of sounds weird, but I just mean that helping people, and teaching others just might be the choice I was suppose to make all along. I think it points to a passion that is going to develop over the next 4 years, and one that will make for a great career of fulfillment. 

       I have wanted to be a teacher as far back as I can remember. I entertained a small handful of other ideas that I'd really rather learn more about for personal enrichment- for example: hair coloring, wedding planning, baking... those are things that interest me, but that I don't think I'd like to do on a daily basis. Hobbies that would be fun as a side job here and there, but the truth is I really just want to enhance the lives and education of little kids. I can't wait to tell them the first day of school that my name is Mrs. Green- just like the color... and hear them giggle because it's silly. I can't yet imagine the payoff I'll be getting the moment I see the "light bulb" click on in little Suzy's eyes as she finally gets a new concept. I want to make a difference out there in the world. 

    I have a lot to learn. How do you use a semicolon properly? When are you suppose to use whom instead of who.... How exactly do you teach a child to read? When was the War of 1812? (Just kidding... hehe even I can figure out that one...) but you get the idea. 

        We were asked in English to take out a piece of paper and write about why we are "here". The only thing you couldn't say was "to get a job/make money/get an education"- because of course you are here for that. After writing we got in groups of four to read ours aloud to the group. After we all read we were to select one that would be read to the entire class. Our group chose mine almost immediately after reading them all. I was surprised. Here are these three girls- none of which are a day over 20, and they all instantly think what I had to say was the best. (I like all of theirs, and didn't even get in on the vote). The deal was whoever got picked didn't have to read their own. So since they picked mine one of the other girls had to opt to read it aloud. Group one goes- the guy reads probably 2 sentences. Basically "I'm here because its what I'm doing", group 2 goes and it's just a tad longer, basically he elaborates on education. My turn. I feel instantly weird because I'm the only one with kids and I wrote personal info not knowing we were reading aloud.  The girl starts reading mine and to sum it up I said that I'm here to accomplish something I can be proud of. That my family is filled with high school dropouts. That I am a mother of three children and I want to teach them that you can do anything you set your mind to no matter what choices you've made. That I've never felt capable or deserving of doing this. But that I was going to to end the cycle of dropouts, and to be proud of me. 

      The room was silent. When the girl stops reading the instructor (in his super cool British accent, making it sound way cooler and more important) says "wow, you've got three kids, and you're gonna give this a go? Wow, that's really commendable, that's inspiring there. How old are your kids?" I answer, "10,7 and 18 months." "18 months?? so you've got to go home, do your homework, help two kids with their homework and take care of a baby?" he says. I say "yes, it's going to be hard..." so he tells me "you stick with this. That's great, three kids. See folks you can all do this." Self doubt is getting harder to have with all of you fantastic people here to lift me up.

       English was the end of the day (thank God for his accent that spices things up a bit, because usually I find English and History to be the most boring... I know I know. terrible.) The rest of the day was ok. Math 99 is to my delight basically independent study, we did an assessment and so I'm only working on what I don't know, instead of relearning everything. History was... well... history. My bigger concern is Human Geography. My instructor is from Romania. Like- only been here 8 years or so... her accent is so thick I'm not sure I'll understand a darn word. That concerns me, she posts power points for us to print of her lectures, so I'm hoping that I can read along, or that over time I become accustomed to the accent and just learn how to interpret it. Oh and it's basically another "history" class... or falls in the same type of category. Blah lol. Who knows, maybe now that I'm older and actually care it will become more interesting. After all my priorities have changed. Getting a note passed to someone, or seeing a cute guy after class is no longer my number one school day "To-Do"s. 

    So there you have it folks, day 1. 

~Til next time ~K

10 Years Later.....

It's been ten years since I dropped out of high school. During the last decade I've given birth to three beautiful children, found a wonderful husband, and put myself on the back burner while taking care of everyone else. I've let my own goals and dreams fade into the background, silenced my own voice. Something about 2012 has lit a spark for me. I've decided to believe in myself. I've decided to get out there and do whatever it takes to accomplish the things I want in life. I have decided to break my shell and venture out into this great world!

I took my GED test earlier this year, after 10 years of being afraid to fail. Last week I received an invitation to attend the 2012 commencement at the Gwinnett Center. I spent a day or two deciding if I wanted to do this, I had a devil's advocate battle internally. On one hand I felt a little silly. It's just a GED right? I was suppose to graduate 8 years ago, do I really want my tassel to say '12? Is anyone going to want to attend to watch me "graduate"? On the other hand, this is an accomplishment. Of course it isn't "just a GED", its the start to taking control of my life. A statement to everyone else but more importantly myself, that I CAN do this, and nothing will stop me. Hanging that tassel with '12 on my rear view mirror will signify the year I decided my life is actually about me as well, that I can't just spend all of my time worrying about everyone else while I fade away. 

So I guess you know what I decided. Today I marched into that GED office with my $75 in hand, my filled in form, and a copy of my speech. What speech you ask? The letter that was sent to me said that if you would like to be a student speaker at the commencement you can submit a 5-10 minute speech for consideration. I had one person read and edit it and I was overwhelmed by her response. She loved it! I makes my heart sing to find that so many of you find me to be inspirational. So here goes nothing, I'm going to let you all in on a little bit of me. This is the speech I've written for the commencement ceremony. I'm not sure when they notify the ones that are chosen, but I will let you know when I do! 

~Til next time  ~K

     Eckhart Tolle once said, “The past has no power over the present moment”.   All of us here today have overcome obstacles to get to where we are.  I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone for allowing me to share a bit about my experience, as I’m sure others can relate their stories here as well. We have accomplished something great here today. Not only have we received our GED certificates, but we’ve taken back our lives. We have decided to stand up and acknowledge that we deserve the best of what this life has to offer. We have put aside our past, worked hard and achieved this great thing for the present, and set off on a path for a better future.

    At 16 years old I was already a high school dropout, and a mother to a little girl. I decided that because of my nontraditional path I had ruined my ability to get anywhere in life. I told myself that it was too late for me, that I didn‘t deserve anything more. At 18 years old I had a second child and got divorced within the year. I was living with my mom and couldn’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. I worked overnight jobs, but I couldn’t figure out how I would ever do any better than that. Luckily I would find later on, that anything is possible as long as you put in the effort.

    Fast forward 10 years and it brings me to 2012. I’ve remarried a great man and had a third child. I have pushed any thoughts of education far from my mind because I’m a stay at home mother, and I feel guilty about taking any time away from my kids and my household. I started out 2012 doing things I’d never done before: I went kayaking for the first time and overcame my fear of the outdoors, I stood in the ocean; something I’d never really done because I’ve always been afraid of what I can’t see in the water, I started actually LIVING life and it was exciting. I started talking about getting my GED but I was afraid. As a child I was in gifted classes, always scored several grade levels above my class on tests, what if I failed? My sister in law came to me and told me that I should take the test. She encouraged me saying that I deserve to make something of myself. She told me that it doesn’t matter what choices you made in the past, the ones that matter are the ones you make now. She made me believe that I deserve to better myself, and that I owe it to my children to show them that there is no obstacle too great to climb. By doing it myself I will show them how important it is to get an education and how you can conquer anything if you just try hard enough. I took the math portion of the test first and had a small break. I was so nervous I was pacing the GED office, until the staff member at the desk noticed. She said, “Why are you nervous? You scored at the 98th percentile on your math test, calm down and go finish.” I was overwhelmed with pride! That moment gave me the confidence to plan my future!

    After receiving my GED certificate in the mail I put it in a frame. I always thought before that it was “just a GED” and no big deal. Today that piece of paper signifies the moment I stood up and took control of my life. I didn’t just give up and forget about me. I am currently enrolled in my first semester at a four year college, on the road to obtaining my degree in Early Childhood Education. I want to teach children from an early age that education is important, and that they can accomplish anything they set their minds to. I can not wait for the day I get to walk across the stage to receive that degree. I encourage all of my fellow GED graduates here today to take the road with me. No one says it is going to be easy, but it will be worth it!

    No matter what happened in your past you have the ability to change your future. Nothing is set in stone. All it takes is time and effort and knowing that we are worth it. I hope all of my peers leave here today empowered with pride and the initiative to continue on to a technical college or four year institution, our journey doesn’t have to stop here today. Congratulations on taking back your lives!

Life is moving fast!

Here we are again! A couple of interesting things are going on with me, so lets talk about them!

 First up, I'm becoming increasingly interested in these little crested geckos- which is bizarre to me given my lifelong fear of all things "critter". The more I check out little Izzy and hang out in the forums on Pangeareptile.com the more I want another little crestie baby! I need a bigger tank for Izzy first, but all in good time. They are really cute little guys and dolls! I'm thinking a dark based one similar to this guy pictured here <=== Look at their "eyelashes"! CUTE! So just thought I'd share that =).

 Next up- weight loss challenge. I haven't had a soda in TWO days!! Um that's a long time for me just in case you don't think that's a big deal. ;) So far I'm using sweet tea to ease the caffeine withdrawal, but with the way I make my Southern sweet tea I'm going to have to limit it a pretty good bit. I've tried Splenda and diet sugars, and I can't get past the taste. So the plan is to wean off cokes with tea, then work on drinking less tea... I've tried quitting sodas "cold turkey" before, but the headaches and irritability that follow make me cave in within a day. 

 I'm adopting the attitude that small changes lead to greater victories! The less deprived you feel, the more you feel like you are going to succeed. Now of course that doesn't mean I can sit all day eating oreos.... but a small indulgence here and there will let me have things I want, but I usually try to talk myself out of them.

Next item up for review- T-Minus 26 days and counting until MY first day of college! I'm getting more at ease and more anxious all at the same time! I'm feeling more confident in myself and my ability to do well at my schoolwork. I think I'll pick up the Math rather fast once the "refreshing" starts, History is always memorizing facts, I'm not sure what to expect from Human Geography, but we shall see! Oh and hopefully there's no Shakespeare in English 1101- otherwise I'm screwed lol. I don't understand Shakespeare one bit! I think I'd do ok reading his work for the sake of reading it, but when it comes time to "interpret what you think he meant in line 101" I'm completely lost. See you are asked for your opinion, yet your answer can be wrong, which baffles me. I mean sure if he was talking about a sunset and I said "I think he likes blue dogs" I see that's wrong, but anyway hopefully I can just opt out of any of that hehe. (Sorry to those that love him, I'm sure you are cringing at the thought of someone "skipping" Shakespeare... hehe)

At the same time that I'm being calmed about the actual classes and work involved, I'm getting more anxious about attending college as a mom of 3 kids, babysitter to another... How do you balance my homework, their homework, bath time, dinner, studying, getting enough sleep, going to the gym, making sure everyone has clean socks?!?! 

From an educational standpoint I think the timing is best for me now. I wouldn't have been worrying about how to really explain geometry to children when I was 19. I wouldn't have listened carefully to how to help a child that struggles with reading, or concerned myself with joining clubs at school. I would have been worried about silly things, boys, friends, and having fun. So I'm glad that I'm at the most receptive time in my life now. I think my willingness to learn and fully grasp everything told to me and actually soak up what the instructors are trying to tell me is at a peak right now. I actually understand what it means to be an adult, to keep a home for yourself, and I also understand the needs and differences in children. These things will help me.

From a stay at home mom perspective I worry about several things. I worry that the time I'm taking to do this is taking away from my family, even though I know it's better in the long run. The kids don't understand why they can't do sports this fall, but with Tuesday and Thursday evening classes I can't get them to practices this semester so they won't be able to do it. I'm disappointing them and making their lives better all at the same time. I know I'm making the right choice by far, but I guess I've never really honestly felt like I deserved things like this, so its easy to feel guilty for taking the time for me.

So what am I going to do? Here's my plan: SCHEDULE! I've decided the best thing I can do is get everything organized, make a schedule that accounts for school days for me, school days for the kids, and the weekends, cleaning schedule, workout times set... and try my hardest to stick to them! BE THE LIST! haha =D

Exercise! That used to be a four-letter-word where I come from.  Getting up and going to the gym takes a lot of effort, takes me away from my family... HURTS!! But like the pin I posted to Pinterest says "What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?" This is truth. If we don't take care of our bodies, our life will be shortened. The chance of disease and cancer rises the more the scale rises and the longer we sit and do nothing. 

So here we are, I'm starting a 90 day challenge, and my workouts are already planned out. No time for messing around, I've got a plan for 3 days resistance training, 3 days intense cardio, and one happy little rest day per week. I've already planned out what activity I'm doing each day, and put it on my desk calendar in PEN! And I DON'T do white out or cross outs lol. 

Wondering what exercises I'm going to be doing? Well a nice mix of several things. I'm hoping to starve off boredom, and keep my body guessing. I have a kettlebell dvd for resistance, a full body weight machine routine created by my own personal trainer (Rob! he really knows his stuff if you want any advice!), Zumba in class at the gym for cardio, a Zumba DVD for days I can't get to the gym, INsanity dvd's for some intense cardio.... IT'S ON! 

I've been working out some recently, but not consistently, so I'm not starting at zero and headed to 60, but this is going to be challenging. But that's where I'm at, I don't want to spend an hour a day on a mundane treadmill walk... BORING! Of course if I choose our gym has a pretty cool cardio cinema with surround sound, usually its a "man flick" playing like the Bourne series, Robin Hood type stuff, ya know those kinds of things, but hey I can check em out once in awhile for a bit. 

So part two of this lovely weight loss challenge? DIET! Well not "diet" per say... I have no desire to launch into some fad "grapefruit diet", "no carb diet", blah blah. I'm looking to do 4 things to start... 
 1. Eliminate all fast food except Subway
2. Eliminate soda ( I will still drink sweet tea some, one step at a time folks)
3. Drink water daily... in pretty big amounts!
4. Tailor almost all of our meals around lean meats, very little "spaghetti nights". 

Sure this is only a start, but it's a pretty big change in and of itself. Currently I might drink a 2 liter of coke a day- that's 840 CALORIES!! No wonder I'm not losing weight right? Before eating I've already maxed out half of my daily allotment of calories. No good! Add to that I was eating out two meals a day:

Lets do some math: McDonalds chicken biscuit meal with sweet tea for breakfast: 740 calories
McDonalds Quarter pounder with cheese combo with tea for lunch: 1080 calories... plus the coke I drink daily, lets add 840 calories- I'm at 2660 and we haven't even added in the carb loaded dinner I usually have, plus any snacking during the day... YIKES!!! I mean my suggested daily calories now for weight loss are at 1600, I'm probably hitting 3600 or more a day... 

I tell myself I don't eat that much.. and I don't. I don't sit here all day eating ho-hos.... but what I've failed to look at is the CALORIES in the foods I'm eating. I could eat fruits all day and never get close to that amount of calorie intake. This is where I've made the mistake of thinking because I didn't eat every hour of the day that I wasn't eating too much. I mean a chicken biscuit and a hash brown doesn't seem like lots of food, but the amount of un-fulfilling, nutrient lacking calories in that breakfast just added a third of a pound to my stomach, that lunch combo at whatever burger chain just added to my thighs and didn't help my body at all. DISGUSTING!


So it's time to change this. Boneless skinless chicken, lean pork chops, a lean steak or two... you will become my staple entrees. I'll be looking for new herb combinations, and other ways to make you not so boring. I think my hardest fight is going to be the lowering my carb intake fight. I love potatoes... and pasta... and rice. I will make a combination of any of those as BOTH of my sides at dinner, that's terrible. I mean sure it's ok sometimes, but every night I have no veggie and two carbs... not ideal for weight loss! (or health) So I will be working on that too. 


I'm not expecting an overnight change here, I will probably indulge in some home made mac and cheese a time or two, eat a rice that's a little calorie dense, but the main point is that I'm trying to shift in a new direction. I'm going to be tracking EVERYTHING that way I can really see what's going on. 


I'm waiting on my replacement bodybugg, so when it gets here I'll have more information to move forward, seeing what these workouts are doing, and watching the calories and exercise try to balance out and create a deficit. This will take time and effort, and I'm ready.


If anyone wants to join me I will be working out at my house, or at Just Fitness in Lawrenceville! 20 a month membership isn't too shabby! Already have a membership you aren't using? Don't know what machines to use? Let me know, Rob has all the knowledge any other personal trainer has. He knows what you need to do!


Til next time~K

I just finished the most inspirational, motivating book I've ever read! Any of you that need a jumpstart on life, I urge you to check out the book Believe It, Be It by Ali Vincent. (I looked in book stores and ended up ordering it on Kindle, so I could start right away as it was published in 2009 and isn't kept in stock at most stores.) She is an amazing woman. She was the first ever woman to win the Biggest Loser title, losing a total of 112 pounds! Her book is based on her journey, making it a great read for those that want to lose some weight themselves, but it also talks about changing your life no matter what change you are looking for. 

The following are the words she wrote that resonated most with me and my own personal set of goals.... 

The only battle to win is the battle within, that place where we realize that we deserve to have and create all that we want in our lives.

I have to be proud of the choices I make and forgive myself for the not-so-good ones. Making excuses is not going to get me any closer to my goals.

Don't surround yourself with people whose opinions make you feel bad about yourself.

When you feel so lost, it's hard to see that there is potential to have a better life one day, let alone understand that everything you need to create that life is already right inside of you.

The power to succeed or fail was up to me and only me.

In order to have any chance of success, I've learned that you have to accept yourself and let go of the past failures or weaknesses that have been holding you back. It's important to look forward, not backward-to get really clear on your future and what you want it to be.

When you don't set goals, you deny yourself opportunities to succeed and celebrate. It's important to set realistic goals for yourself and rejoice when you achieve them.

in order to truly give to others, you have to give to yourself first.

If you can focus on what you're going to create out of all your hard work, you can push through tough moments.

Chicken exits are self-sabotage. They give you a false explanation for why you don't have something you want. Up until this point in my life, I had never given anything all that I had to give. But I was going to now.

When did it become okay to give your time to everyone but yourself? Women tend to nurture on so many different levels for so many people that they often forget to take care of themselves.

Resistance is never the agent of change. You have to embrace the actions that are going to get you closer to your goal. Praise yourself for meeting each challenge on the way to that goal.

The longer you put it off, the harder it's going to be to walk through those gym doors again.

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF-AGAIN OR FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR LIFE

The bottom line was that I had to accept me. I had to love me. I had to know that I was worthy of having what I wanted in life. It was just knowing that I'm worth what I want for myself.

Once you understand where you've been, you can start to figure out where you want to go.

We're used to turning to food for comfort, so sometimes we may find ourselves reaching for a cookie or grabbing a slice of pizza we didn't budget for. Just don't take it to the next day. Wake up the next morning, go to the gym, and put it behind you. Keep moving forward.

So stop seeing the obstacles you face as reasons why you can't do something. See them as a reason why you can. And celebrate your accomplishments on a daily basis.

You have to take ownership of where you are right now and know where you want to go before you can get there.

Ali Vincent. Believe It, Be It: How Being the Biggest Loser Won Me Back My Life (Kindle Location 1405). Kindle Edition.

Life is too short to wait... That's going to be my mantra.

This is truth. We aren't promised a specific number of years, days or even hours. Why wouldn't I want to do everything in my power to add on to my time here and make it the most fulfilling life I can imagine? 

I'm reading a great book right now by Ali Vincent (She was the first female to win The Biggest Loser title!) She talks not only about weight loss but finding her passion in this life. Fixing the hurt she has kept bottled up inside during her life, and realizing that to truly be happy and accomplish your dreams, that you have to stop and drop some baggage off first. I am a couple of chapters in and have so many great things highlighted already. She's quite the inspiration. 

We only have one shot at life. ONE. You can make the most of it or you can let it pass you by- which one are YOU going to do? I'm going to LIVE. I've spent a good deal of my life being afraid. Afraid to try, afraid to fail, afraid to succeed. No more. I can do this. Repeat- I CAN DO THIS! 

I want to teach great things to small people (courtesy of Jessy Fielden's pinterest board title lol), share in their discovery of this great world we live in. Be a supporter of their dreams, and show them that they can do whatever they set their mind to. 

I want to show my kids that the world is their playground. I want to instill in them the desire to achieve greatness! I want them to see that you don't have to spend your life watching it pass you by, that you should get out there and really live. Find experiences that thrill you, travel and see the world!

I've been doing inventory of what I need and want out of this lifetime. I've got a list going, more general than a bucket list I'd say. But so far here is what I have: 1. Get a degree in something I really desire to do and pursue a fulfilling career; 2. Learn inner peace~ love myself, at my current weight, goal weight, or somewhere in between with all the flaws or good things I've got inside and out; 3. Travel somewhere magnificent and witness old world magic! and the most important: 4. Be passionate in everything I do.

I'm 4.4 pounds down as of this morning! I have a super long way to go, but I'm headed in the right direction. I'm setting a mini goal for the first portion of 15 lbs. I think if I break it down in smaller increments and can actually see myself getting to them that's better than a daunting 85 lbs. I'm starting with tracking my calorie intake, and trying to switch from sodas to water. Drastic changes lead me to quit, so I'm working on it each day at a time. If I indulge in a cupcake... well I'll work harder on the next workout. No beating myself up. Of course I won't be keeping that stuff around daily, but you know what I mean. 

I'm waiting on my replacement BodybuggSP, (first one was defective darn it!) It's a device that you wear 23 hours of the day (you can wear it less, but the more you wear it the more data you get about your daily calorie burn). There is so much wiggle room in online "how much does {insert activity} burn in a hour", I looked up kayaking one time, and I know there are various levels of kayaking, class one and up, but I got numbers for "light kayaking" ranging from 232 calories/hr to 1200 calories/hr. Well..... how are you suppose to calculate your daily burn with a range of 100 give or take for some activities? 

Slap a bodybugg armband on! It calculates your daily burn by the minute based on several things, and uses all the information you put in to it's program like your age, gender, height, measurements and weight, therefore giving you an accurate count for YOU. As opposed to the 130 pound 25 year old female example off some website. It has lots of little visual bars and graphs that allow you to see how much you have eaten today (provided you accurately input this into the calories consumed part of the website or app). And what you still need to burn to maintain your needed deficit for the day. You don't think about things like mozzarella sticks until you tell them that you ate 5 of them, well guess what? that was a THIRD of your daily calorie allotment- sooo eat light the rest of the day? I think it's going to be a vital resource on my journey! 

If you'd like more info on the bodybugg let me know, I have a code that gets you a percentage off if I refer you thru the 24hourfitness.com website! and no I'm not selling them, and I don't get anything for getting you to get one, just thought I'd pass along the savings if anyone is interested!

Til next time ~K

Time for a Challenge!

Stage 1 Hypertension, persistent and worsening joint pain, daily back pain, headaches turning into migraines, constant fatigue, difficulty sleeping, depression, lack of "get up and go", low self esteem, no self confidence, nothing to wear, loathe shopping for clothes/ can't find things I like in my size, AND EVERYTHING IS GETTING WORSE....

And this is just the beginning- the list of what is to come is scary and lengthy. The truth is it's all happening to me. I've started making some changes this year, but not enough. I am not staying consistent on my workouts, and lets not even get started about my eating habits. In just a month I've gone from borderline high side of "ok" blood pressure to flat out stage one hypertension. Both times I was drawn to the blood pressure machine for some strange reason. My body is trying to tell me something. Fix this now, or it's going to react in a way that I'm not going to like.

I've watched relatives and friends have very adverse health problems due to the same things I do now- lack of exercise and eating like crap. I've seen friends and family die at age 50 from problems that were mostly caused by their lifestyle and failure to change their ways. You should have at least another 25-30 years after age 50...  I began to be concerned about my future, but I think until seeing today "stage 1 hypertension" I thought I had plenty of time to change. Apparently that isn't the case.

My body is screaming at me to listen up. Pulling me to look at my bp to tell me look- right now we are able to fix this without stacking up a prescription list a mile long. My body is still able to reverse these problems if I give it the tools needed to do so. 

Today I sat down and took my blood pressure and saw that I'm in stage 1 hypertension, around the same time I got a message from my um... what is Kevin? My uncle in law??? lol Whatever you know what I mean, asking me and Rob to join him and my aunt Jess in a friendly weight loss competition. (90 days~ based on each couple's percentage of weight loss- loser cooks the other couple a nice meal... oh yeah AND gets a meringue pie to the face!! hahahaha) Start date is in two weeks, July 23rd. So be looking for my posts on that.

It's time to take control of my body while I'm still able to do so the natural way. I have ZERO desire to take injections of insulin, or take a plethora of pills to do the things my body should be able to do itself. I want to watch my daughters get married, meet my son's children, who knows maybe meet some great grandchildren. It's possible, but not if I don't veer down a different path. 

If you see me with a cheeseburger do me a favor~ take it from me, throw it in the trash and tell me you are saving my life. <3 ~K

It's been a good minute since I've posted, so lets fix that!

A lot has happened to me since I last posted, and I'm quite pleased with myself. I conquered my fear of reptiles- alright maybe not conquered hehe, but I can hold this little gecko we have and actually like her.. Need proof? I have attached photographic evidence... =) ============>

She is actually quite interesting, I was holding her the other day and Rob tilted his head to the side and said something to her and she copied him and tilted her head as well. I'm sure it doesn't mean the same thing as a Golden Retriever doing that, but she has a curiosity for folks just the same. She seems to like me best, (ironic huh?) I've tried to pass her to other people to hold and she backs up back into my hand and won't allow herself to be passed, so that's cute. Anyway moving right along..

I took and passed my GED test, I don't know what I was so worried about all this time, but it's done! I also went ahead and did the COMPASS test, while I scored great on the reading and writing, my math wasn't so hot. No biggie, I'll take the remedial course and keep on trucking! Oh so I guess I should add that I was accepted for fall semester at Georgia Gwinnett College! I was worried that I would have to do a 2 year first like Perimeter or something, but nope, I got my acceptance and I will be registering for classes Friday! 

I've decided I want to get my degree in Early Childhood Education. (Teaching elementary school, not day care) Let's face it, little kids is where all the fun is! I gave a brief thought to teaching secondary biology, since that was my favorite subject in school, but then I remembered two things, first, if it wasn't for Tom Nieset and his willingness to cut off frog legs I would have never made it through dissections- ick, while he enjoyed cutting open the little guy and checking out the inside, I stayed as far back from the desk as possible, laughing at his ridiculous antics of cutting up that poor amphibian, and doing all the writing...  and the second- middle school kids have attitudes. Bad ones... I think I will stick to the little ones that still want to learn! (And yes I'm aware that some middle school kids do want to learn, but I think the payout of watching a 7 year old's eyes light up when they understand something is going to be phenomenal!) I can see it now, the first day of school my speech will start with "Good morning boys and girls, my name is Mrs. Green- just like the color!" hehehehe 

I can't express how excited I am that my family is stepping up to help me achieve my dreams! Without my mother, my husband, and anyone else I can sucker into babysitting over the next couple of years, this wouldn't be possible. I'm ready! I have Pinterest boards already overflowing with bulletin board ideas, songs and tips and tricks for learning things- who doesn't remember "Never eat soggy worms/salty watermelon" or "Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally"?? Macaroni necklace anyone?

I'm also nervous about college, I guess that is normal. I know nothing about history, sure I know you go to school to LEARN these things, but I am wondering how many others around me will already know when I haven't the slightest clue? 

I will have to deal with my own homework as well as that of two kids, little league, a toddler, dinner, laundry.... It's going to be hard, but at the end of the day when I get to finally walk across the stage and get my diploma, it will all have been worth it. I will be able to say that I took my life that started out a little out of order and chaotic, and turned it around into something great! I will be able to show my children with confidence that if you put your mind to it you really can conquer anything that comes your way. I can show them first hand the adversities that you suffer when you make the wrong decision, but also the rewards when you decide to change your mind. Nothing is a good enough excuse to say "that's it, it can't be done, I'm giving up".

I started my life with the wrong person, in the wrong situation, I looked for someone else to provide love and happiness instead of realizing the only way to true self happiness is to make yourself happy. I married someone that didn't care for me, only his ability to control me, because I longed for acceptance and happiness. I had 2 children at a young age because I didn't see any other way to do Life. I didn't think it was as simple as a student aid form and a test. After those things happened I told myself that was it. I had messed up my life and there was no way to recover. I dropped out of high school 10 years ago and it has taken me til now, surrounding myself with the right people, accepting support from my loving husband, and my family to finally see that life isn't over.  A few poor choices don't have to ruin everything. You can always get up, dust off and say alright- now is the time. And that is precisely what I'm doing. It will be a hard journey, but what have I got to lose? Everyone has greatness inside of them, it just takes a spark to ignite the flame! Listen to Katy, she knows what she's talking about!

Mommy of 3 Time for Me!

2012 is really starting to be the year of me. Somehow, maybe even subconsciously, I have become very aware of my life and the directions I am heading in. Call it the recognition of another year passed with my recent birthday if you like. I've been watching those around me the past few months (some for years) continue on paths that either improve their well-being, or completely crush it. I sit here with "social media envy" with a serious "grass is greener on the other side" mentality. But is it really?

I may not be a size 4, be on an island cruise, traveling to a foreign land, driving a flashy new car or anything like that. I've been looking at this the wrong way. I sit here day to day as life passes by and do nothing to change it. I don't know what I'm so afraid of. Hard work? Failure? The time it takes? Sure these are some valid fears. But I think the most important one is that I'm afraid to fail. 

I have come across a couple of quotes lately that really struck a chord with me- "You'll never leave where you are until you decide where you'll rather be.." and "Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (-Mark Twain may have said this according to some sources)

I'm working on my weight loss journey and it's going alright. I'm not dropping serious numbers but I'm getting up and getting out there and starting to actually look forward to the workouts. I haven't missed one workout in the last week. That is a big deal for me. I'm tired of starting over. Time to finish this! Don't get me wrong it will be awhile before I'm at my goal, but each day is taking me one step closer!

The newest excitement in my life is education. I dropped out of high school in 10th grade when I got pregnant with Jaden, and I just never did anything else. I guess I always told myself "it's too late for me now". I have said it before that I was going to enroll in college but never did. Something always held me back- probably myself to be honest. I have had several confidence boosting impromptu therapy sessions with a special friend in my life, and she has drilled it into the core of my being that I can and NEED to do this for myself, my family, my kids... 

I want to teach my kids and myself that things happen, people make bad choices, but you can pretty much always overcome them. I can't let things that happened in my life 10 years ago hold me back from a lifetime of self fulfillment and happiness. My GED test is happening asap and then hopefully I will have the certificate back so I can enroll for college in the fall this year. I'm going for Early Childhood Education (grades k-5). I have asked questions to a couple of people including Jaden's teacher for instance, and I know this is what I want to do. It will take time and a great deal of effort. But what am I doing now besides watching minute after minute of my life pass by. NO regrets!!

For my new inspiration this is my motto on life... Keep your head up!

Kettlebells, dumbbells, barbells.... It's starting to look like a gym in here! I'm doing a circuit of weights now... well ok so I slacked off for the last couple of weeks, but I started back yesterday. Friday I am hoping to sign up for Zumba if the class isn't full already. I am hoping a friend of mine is going to meet me there if her schedule allows it. If this class goes well I think we will be getting a membership at YMCA for the family to all get and stay fit together!!

I was going to do The Color Run 5K race, but apparently everyone else wanted to as well so it's all filled up! So for now I am going to just keep changing things up, finding new workouts... and the hardest part? Work on the ever-so-hard soda kicking habit. I'm doing better, but still not where I need to be. That's it for now, stay tuned for a great journey!

~K~

Bet you thought I quit already with most of the rest of the population…?! Nope, here I am! It took a little bit for me to get started but I did my first workout last night. I also tried some new foods yesterday.

I found myself in a salad restaurant yesterday for a nice lunch with my soon to be sister in law and two of the other bridal party members. I didn’t know what “Sweet Tomatoes” was when they suggested it… Imagine my surprise as a “salad hater” when I walk in to a 30 foot salad bar chock full of raw veggies. Eager to “fit in” (silly right?) I put a little bit of the pre-made Caesar salad on my plate, a few raw spinach leaves, and a sprinkle of fresh mushrooms.

Then alas…. I see on the board they also have soup, whew!!

I felt weird telling these two girls I had just met about my salad aversion while they were piling up their custom creations. Anyone that knows me knows that I don’t do “rabbit food”. I sit down and taste the Caesar… eh not so great. Very sour/lemon to me so no go.

The spinach leaves I didn’t even get to flavor because of the texture- sort of fuzzy. I mean they didn’t feel fuzzy, but they just had this weird feeling in my mouth that I was glad to be rid of. I sat there for a few minutes and finally said “alright I gave it a shot I will be back in a minute!” I ended up finding a nice soup that was turkey with wheat pasta and I would have never guessed it was wheat. I tried wheat spaghetti noodles and it just didn’t work for me. So yay in soup I guess that cooked all day you can’t really tell. Kudos on a new healthy “like”!

Fast forward a few hours and it was time to do my first kettle bell workout. I brought Jillian Michaels to me! I only made it halfway through the workout before I had to stop because it is fast paced cardio and strength in one with the way the kettle bell is. I had lots of lower back pain so I decided to stop then so I can stay on schedule instead of over exerting myself and not being able to workout for days. I kept going a few minutes past the point that I wanted to stop, so that is good.

I LOVED the kettle bell workout! I felt like it was so much more useful than push ups and jumping jacks. I’m so glad that we tried this one. I got the Jillian kettle bells in 5,10,15 pounds so I started with the 5lb. (When picking them up it seems I could use a 10 but like I said slow and steady is what is going to win this race. I would rather start low and move up than kill myself day one and quit!)

I got up today with a little bit of tingling in my thighs still and the tops of my shoulders and the area above my collar bone are pretty sore- I must be weak there because that part screams at me no matter what I do! But I don’t feel depleted. I am going to keep up with this workout for awhile until I master level 1 & 2 and then who knows what’s next!!!

Dear Publix original New York style cheesecake: While your creamy sweet goodness was love at first bite, you've become a bit clingy. You hang around too much, you never leave! At 420 calories a SLICE, I am going to have to break up with you. I will come back and visit just once every now and then, but not often. I've got some bad ass new clothes waiting for me and you just don't fit in with us! With love, me?

It's January 3rd of a new year... people all over the world are making resolutions. They are usually with one of a few common themes. The problem is: how many of those will be broken by next week? I think we all look at our problems and erroneously assume that we will change something about ourselves with one simple statement. The truth is there are no quick fixes in life. Lifestyle changes are the only way to make a permanent difference in your life.

This leads to my current life goal; the one that has always seemed out of reach. I want to lose weight; a pretty good amount of weight. I just haven’t found the right way for me up until now. I try to start these programs but a good friend (and soon to be sister in law!) told me that I shouldn’t be ashamed of those programs being to hard. Most of them aren’t for complete beginners. P90X, ok I agree that it works. But that is not a program that most people can hop right off the couch day one and start busting ass like that program requires. Insanity- while I impressed myself in not falling out cardio-wise, I couldn’t handle the constant calisthenics at my current weight. I made it 45 minutes into the first DVD, and finally gave out due to my calves cramping up. I was so proud to have made it that far in; until I woke up the next morning. I could barely walk for a week. My calves were so destroyed that it inhibited me from doing anything else for quite awhile. So I gave up. I do what most people do. I start out so gung ho and excited. I want the weight to melt off with a nice 23 pound weight loss at the end of week one- hey it happens on The Biggest Loser right? I think this is a product of our society. We are the generation of “I want it NOW!” The problem is it has taken years for me to get the way I am. I’m not 400 pounds or anything, but I am WAY above the recommended weight range for my height. For those that think the BMI is ridiculous or “un-realistic” - it really isn’t. I am 5’0”, my weight range on the BMI scale should be between 97-128. At 138 pounds before I got pregnant with Jaden, I was soft everywhere but comfortable in my skin pretty much. I definitely would have felt even better about myself if I had lost another 10 pounds then- or had a more toned look at the 138. BMI is only ridiculous at judging the weight of men (unless you are an extremely muscled up woman!) BMI doesn’t take into account men’s muscles if they are built up.  I definitely don’t think I want to be at the 97lb end of that range, but that’s why it’s a range. Most importantly the number on the scale isn’t the real thing I am after.

What do I want out of weight loss? Lets be honest here we all want to look good. I want to be able to go in cute little shops and be able to come out with hot new clothes! I want to be able to get up and get dressed without changing 12 times because I feel too “fat” to wear something. I want to be able to go out with girlfriends and feel like I am just as pretty as them. Right now I am not able to think that way. There are things I love about myself. I love my eyes! I think they are a pretty color; I love how they look when I put on some fancy eye shadow and a double coat of mascara! I have had lots of compliments on them. I like my cheekbones, they aren’t super high model ones, but I have them and I think they are fitting of my face shape. I also like my calves- weird right? But I have always had muscular calves; they really don’t have much fat on them. They make me feel strong. Rob felt them one time and was surprised that they were in fact hard, not squishy! =)  My Aunt Lea put my feelings into perspective a long time ago with her saying “feeling like a busted can of biscuits!” Imagine popping open one of those cans of Pillsbury Grands- you know when you first crack the seal and the biscuit dough smushes out of the cracks… mmmhmmm lol no fun… I don’t want to feel like that anymore!

Everyone wants to look better but I want to FEEL better more importantly. I wake up at 9 or 10 am and want to go back to bed by 12. That’s ridiculous.  I am constantly tired, I never have any energy, and I get sick often… All reasons I need to change. I am currently on a path for diabetes, extremely high risk of heart disease, stroke, cancers are more prevalent in obese people- I don’t want to have all of these major problems. I don’t want to spend my life on the sidelines watching it pass me by. I want to be a good role model so my children don’t have to live their lives and feel this way one day.

So this is my challenge. It won’t happen overnight. It will be hard. There will be no fad diets or “10 minute miracles”, just feasible lifestyle changes. You can sweat out 10 pounds in 2 weeks I’m sure with some drink and fasting or what have you, but look at those that do that. How many actually get RID of that weight for good? Here’s to 2012 THE YEAR of getting it done!